


The Cost of War

by JediC8H10N4O2



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horror, Clone Wars, Gen, Jedi, Jedi Code, Padawan, Sith Code
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediC8H10N4O2/pseuds/JediC8H10N4O2
Summary: What if the Clone Wars lasted longer than three years? What if the Republic won? What would happen to the Jedi after fighting in a war for so long?The Jedi went to war to protect the Republic. They fought to return the galaxy to a peaceful state. They were successful in defeating the CIS. But there is always a cost to war. Not just money or resources. Sometimes, the cost is hidden. But always, the cost is high. Maybe too high. People can lose themselves in war.Children can lose themselves in war.





	

(Peace is a lie)

They are young. They are padawans, and they were born into peace. They were raised in peace. But they must come of age in war. They are thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. They are commanders of clones. They must be stoic.

( _There is no emotion, there is peace_ )

They are lost and confused, scared. They are fighting, but don't Jedi strive for peace? They should not let their emotions run wild and free, but there is a war and there is blood and bones and smoke and charred skin and lost limbs and terror. There is peace but only in the moments between fire.

They are thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans. They take what little peace they get, stolen between battles, between the time it takes for the blaster bolt to reach a soldier after being fired. They huddle together for warmth, comfort.

They huddle together and whisper. ( _Peace is a lie_ ). They are waiting for the next battle. It will come soon, it always does. The silence never lasts, the blaster bolts will fly through the air again, and the once comforting hum of their lightsabers will turn into the sizzling sound of destruction they will rain down upon the CIS.

They measure time by battles. A week since the first battle on this planet. Haven't slept since the second battle. Twenty minutes since blaster fire was heard. Peace is the time between battles. Peace will end. It always does, in fire and bloodshed and terror.

He doesn't remember where he heard it. He doesn't even know if he'd heard it before. But it's truth and on the tip of his tongue and he says it. ( _Peace is a lie_ ). He is bitter and angry and sad and lonely and tired, when he utters those four words. And the others look at him and nod, because it is truth. They are thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. They are veterans. ( _They are children still_ ).

Peace is the time between battles. Peace is when you prepare for the next attack, for the next strike. Peace will end in fire and bloodshed and terror. Peace is temporary.

Peace is a lie.

* * *

(There is only passion)

They are young. They are padawans, and they were born into peace. They were raised in peace. But they must come of age in war. They are twelve, thirteen, fourteen. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans.

( _There is no passion, there is serenity_ )

They are scared, terrified, and angry. They are fighting, so that the Republic can win. They have forgotten what it feels like to not be scared. They are afraid to let go of their emotions. They know they should, it's in the Code, but what is left after the emotions have run out? ( _Numbness. Nothing. Empty. Vacuum_ ). Who are they without their emotions?

They are twelve, thirteen, fourteen. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans. They have seen the war take their peers. They have seen the result of serenity ( _numbness_ ). It is dead and empty eyes, massacred clones, wounded civilians. Dead civilians. It is lifting a lightsaber a second too late, it is a hesitation between decision and action. It is costly, it is unaffordable. It can not be allowed.

They huddle together and whisper. ( _There is only passion_ ). They are waiting for the next battle, and they are sharing their feelings. They are remembering their emotions, reminding themselves that they must have passion. It is emotion that reminds them to care. It is passion that keeps them going. It is their burning desire to make sure everyone survives that keeps them from allowing the serenity ( _numbness_ ) to take hold and take lives.

They remember battles by those they lost. They use their emotions to gauge their success. A master died in the last battle. For this next one, they are still to energized from the master's death to allow it again. During the very first battle, emotion drove every move and everyone survived and it was a success.

She doesn't remember when she heard it. She is pretty sure she isn't the first to say it. Because it's truth and on the tip of her tongue and she says it. ( _Peace is a lie. There is only passion_ ). She is terrified and angry and tired, when she utters those two lines. And the others look at her and repeat her words, because it is truth. They are twelve, thirteen, fourteen. They are veterans. ( _They are children still_ ).

Passion is what keeps them alive. Passion is what keeps them going. Without passion, they are empty, nothing, numb. 

There is only passion.

* * *

(Through passion I gain strength)

They are young. They are padawans, and they were born into peace. They began to learn before the war. But they must come of age in war. They are eleven, twelve, thirteen. They are commanders of clones.

( _There is no ignorance, there is knowledge_ )

They know the truth of the galaxy: Peace is a lie. They know the truth of war: There is only passion. They know the truth of passion. It is knowledge all the padawans now know.

They are eleven, twelve, thirteen. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans. They are not ignorant, they have seen too much. They have seen death and destruction, they know the smell of burning flesh, they taste ash in their mouths every day. The screams of the soldiers and Jedi and civilians and padawans who didn't make it run through their minds every moment of every day. One of them can no longer feel things with one hand, only the pangs of a ghost.

They huddle together and whisper. ( _Through passion I gain strength_ ). They talk about how during the last battle, they felt fear and anger, and used it to create a better channel to the Force. How during battle, when they felt fear and anger, they used it to push on. How when they were terrified, they used their fear of failure to succeed. How they best used their emotions to survive. It is how they learn, now that there are many padawans to every Jedi.

They discuss their battles by using emotions. The fifth battle on this planet was the scariest, when the masters fell and it was up to them. The seventh was the saddest when they lost five clones, and lost ground. The eighth was for their anger, a response for the five clones, and no one was lost and they had a resounding victory.

He doesn't believe he's adding anything. He has definitely heard it before. Because it's truth and everyone says it, and this time he feels he must say it. ( _Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength_ ). He is angry and proud and defiant and tired, when he utters those three lines. And the others look at him and repeat it, because that is what you do. They are eleven, twelve, thirteen. They are veterans. ( _Are they children still?_ )

Passion brings them what they need. Without passion, they would fall. It is their passion that makes them succeed, and when they lose that passion, that is when they lose. 

Through passion, they gain strength.

* * *

(Through strength I gain power)

They are young. They are padawans, and they were born into peace. They were raised in war. They are ten, eleven, twelve. They are commanders of clones. They must be heroes of the Republic.

( _There is no chaos, there is harmony_ )

They are very good at lying to the Masters. They repeat the code back to them, word for word. Afterwards, they shake their heads and sigh. Peace is a lie, and serenity is losing. And the Republic can not afford to lose this war. If they lose, then the free galaxy is lost. That is what everyone else says.

They are ten, eleven, twelve. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans. And chaos is all they've known. Harmony is not something that happens. The CIS will never get along with you. They will shoot you the first time you let down your guard. Everyone knows that. Harmony is right there with peace. A lie.

They huddle together and whisper. ( _Through strength I gain power_ ). They are dissecting the last battle, trying to piece together everything that happened in the chaos of blaster bolts and twirling blades. They discuss the new techniques they've learned to use, the ones they learn because they need to do it immediately. The techniques they learn because they must.

They recount battles by the techniques they learned to do. A week since the first time they kept a tree from crushing a squad. Fifteen hours since they stopped a blaster bolt long enough to move a clone out of the way. Twenty minutes since they were able to pull people to them in battle. It is only during battle, when their emotions run strongest, that they can do these techniques.

She doesn't even think when she speaks. It's written into her bones, it's written into her soul. Because it's truth. ( _Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power_ ). She is euphoric and proud and angry, when she utters those four lines. And the others look at her and repeat it, because it is mantra. They are ten, eleven, twelve. They are veterans. ( _Are they children still?_ ).

The strength of their emotions helps them. The stronger the emotion, the better they do. They have mastered the art of manipulating their emotions, feeding them, nurturing them. They know how to make themselves feel anything and everything because they need to. 

Through strength they gain power.

* * *

(Through power I gain victory)

They are young. They are padawans, and they were born into peace. They do not remember peace. They are nine, ten, eleven. They are commanders of clones.

( _There is no death, there is the Force_ )

Death is the end. After you die, you can no longer fight. After you die, you can no longer help. If you die, you have lost. This all padawans and young knights know. And losing is not an option. Not for padawans and Jedi. The Republic is counting on them to be heroes. Heroes do not die.

They are nine, ten, eleven. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans. They are alive, a hard won victory. They will stay alive, because to die is to lose and they are not allowed to lose. The Jedi cannot lose.

They huddle together and whisper. ( _Through power I gain victory_ ). They are waiting for the next battle. And they will win, or they will die. 

They count their lives by battles survived. One has survived fifty four battles. A second has survived sixty. The last has survived only twenty nine. And each are hoping to add many other battles to their score.

They repeat it together. They've known it their entire lives. It is truth. ( _Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory_ ). They are angry and defiant and proud when they utters those lines. They are nine, ten, eleven. They are veterans. ( _Were they ever children?_ )

Power is the difference between life and death. Death is the ultimate failure. Death is the end of the line. Power is needed to overcome the odds.

Through power they gain victory.

* * *

(Through victory my chains are broken)

They are young. They are padawans, and they were born into war. They were raised in war. They will come of age in war. They are eight, nine, ten. They are commanders of clones.

( _They no longer know the Jedi code_ )

War is all they know. And they hate war, like all those who came before them, even though they cannot imagine life without it for long periods of time. And they use that hate to fight the war so that they will win. Because once the Republic wins, they will be free. Free to travel to planets they have only seen from space. Free to travel to the planets untouched by war. Perhaps a few people will even pilgrimage to the Couruscant Jedi temple to see where it is they came from. They will be free to go where they want.

They are eight, nine, ten. They are commanders of clones. They are veterans. They have plans for what they will do after this war, before the next one. They will see the galaxy, discover the people they are protecting, before returning to the trenches to continue protecting them, as Jedi are supposed to do.

They huddle together and whisper. ( _Through victory my chains are broken_ ). They are waiting for the next battle. When it comes, perhaps, they think, that will be the deciding victory. That will be the turning point in this war that has lasted forever. That will bring their fantasies closer to reality.

They are only counting victories, because it is the victories that bring this war closer to an end. Sometimes, they will subtract victories because their loses have set them back, but they only want to focus on the wins. Wins move them forward. Loses do not. Forward is winning. Backwards is death.

They grew up with this mantra, even before their first battle. It is truth and every knight and padawan and initiate repeat it daily. ( _Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken_ ). They are tired and determined and proud and full of hate. They are eight, nine, ten. They are veterans. ( _Were they ever children?_ ).

Victory moves the war forward. Victory marches them ever closer to the end. Victory is what they are fighting for.

Through victory, their chains are broken.

* * *

(The Force shall free me)

They are young. They are initiates, and they have only known war. They were born to it, raised with it, live for it. They are four, five, six. They are not yet commanders of clones.

 

The war will soon be over. The CIS are on the run. The Masters are constantly in meetings, letting the knights and padawans lead the battles they have been born to lead. The initiates practice fighting, with training sabers. They fight droids whose blasters are set on stun, recovered from actual battles. They smile as they use their anger, as the knights who have replaced the old masters encourage them, pit them against each other so that they can become the best.

They must all train to be the best. To learn how to fight their enemies. For the success of the Republic relies on the Jedi, and their ability to lead armies of clones to keep civilians safe. They learn how to command, how to make the hard decisions then use their resulting emotions to win. They learn how to manipulate their emotions, to feed them, to strengthen them.

They learn of power, and victory. They learn that death is failure. Death is the end. The only way to break loose is to win. Winning is the only option. There will be a break between this war and the next. No one knows how long it will be, or who the next enemy might be, but they all know that there will be another war. It is written in history, it is in the pauses between battles. They must be ready. They will be ready.

They repeat their mantra every day. ( _Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken. The Force shall free me_ ). Before every mock battle, they repeat it with their class. They repeat it when they go to bed, and silently when they go to the remembrances for those Jedi who fell.

The Force will lead them to victory. They will twist it and turn it to fit their needs. The Force is a tool to be used, to be conquered. The Force is the key to victory.

The Force shall free them.

* * *

The current leaders of the CIS are not the ones who began the war. The current leaders of the Republic are not the ones who began the war. They have come to power during the war. Chancellor Palpatine died years ago, in the beginning of the war. Count Dooku fell in the middle. The Jedi Council is made up of Masters, but many of the Masters are young, and became knights slightly before or right after the war started. Many of the elders have died.

Things had to change for the Jedi to survive the war, and the Masters ended up being so far away from the padawans and the young knights that they do not remember the last time they watched a lesson. They do not remember the last time a padawan was knighted after the Trials. Many Masters have not had time to talk to the padawans, to the initiates. They are not aware of all the changes that were made, the short cuts taken and worked into lessons.

It isn't until the war is over, and peace is back that the Masters realize the darkness is not lifting. That the darkness is suffocating, more real than they thought possible with the war over. It isn't until they watch a lesson, see a six year old strike down a droid with no remorse, hear a five year old callously sacrifice clones for a victory, and feel the darkness emanating from a four year old that they realize the cost of the war.

It is when they listen to the initiates, the padawans, and the knights repeat the Sith code instead of the Jedi code that the Masters realize that they have lost. It is with horror that the Masters admit to themselves that they have failed, that the war cost far too much.

The Jedi Order went into the Clone Wars to stop the Sith.

The Republic won the war, but lost the Jedi.

Darth Sideous died, but the Sith live on.

**Author's Note:**

> I just thought it would be interesting to explore how exactly the Jedi might be corrupted from within, without ever knowing that they had become corrupted. After all, war and the Jedi Code don't exactly mix. And padawans were basically children, given command of clone troopers and expected to help protect the galaxy.


End file.
